When it gets dark, shine a light
In my time in nursing practice, I saw some terrible things - especially in the A&E Department and Operating Theatres. There were many assaults on all the senses when witnessing what can happen to human beings when their bodies are broken. Many of those horrors are with me still. As a young man and student nurse I was unprepared for them. I probably had a degree of what now would be called PTSD. Yet, as Lennon sang in A Day in the Life, I could not look away.
There was something gobsmackingly alluring about the inauguration of the new president of the USA. Â I make no comment on the politics of one side or the other. What had me staring with incredulity was the parade, the clear and present sight and sound, for all followers of the Way, of the real-time horror show of what bloated, unrestrained ego in full flight looks like. Not just one man, but a shedload of them (and women). A whole gang of poweraddicts feeding like the hungry ghosts on the lust for more; blurring identity between self and country and political system. A kind of shudder went through me at the sight of it.
Not to mention the religious hypocrisy, nay even blasphemy, of presuming to know the mind of the Divine. Or what kind of monstrous God we create that ‘saved me’ from an assassination attempt, but let the guy behind me get shot.
Best to limit access to such imagery for the sake of sanity! You may recall the guidance in Heartfullness about being cautious in our exposure to the ‘news’. There is much evidence that the stress induced is harmful emotionally and physically. A few minutes a day just to keep abreast of events is probably enough.
I’m about to quit Facebook, but before I do I’ve noticed the volume of fear and grief, especially from my American friends, about what is happening in their country – a counterpoint to so many others in the USA and elsewhere who triumphally celebrate the rise of the ‘right’.
What is our response as followers of the Way?
By participation in our contemplative School and elsewhere, we have de facto signed up to inviting spiritual work. Well, right now here is a ton of it. What’s that saying – ‘Be careful what you pray for or you might just get it’ (!). We have committed to a life of opening the heart, of service, of compassion? Well right here before us is a test of them.
Those egos and their behaviours have provided us with a feast of inner work. It’s easy to feel compassion, acceptance and understanding for those we like who are sweet and kind. Can we do the same for those inflated egos who now hold so much worldly power over us? Are our hearts big enough to hold them in our prayers as well? Can a chink of pity for them open the door to compassion when we see that their presentation comes from places of deep ego pain, fear and unworthiness? It is easy to love our friends, but can we love our enemies as the Master Contemplative urged? Can we do what we do, but put no one from our hearts as the Lord Krishna demanded of Arjuna? There’s the Work. If we want spiritual practice, it starts at home.
Carved into the altar in Iona Abbey are the words, among others, ‘drink this cup’. There is a mythos lesson for us here. It is the capacity of the contemplative to say a spiritual ‘yes’ to what is. To the drink the cup that accepts reality and all it brings with it, to ourselves and others. That does not mean that we agree with or do as this shadow bids, but a ‘yes’ of acceptance is our first step in discernment.
An ego ‘yes’ is always about self-gratification. A heartfull ‘yes’ embraces what is before it and choses right response, right action. This Way is not Quietism, a fugit mundi, it is a Way of awareness and engagement, of seeing and service according to our capacity and calling.
An ego ‘no’ pushes away anything that does not gratify it. A Heartfull ‘no’ may mean acting opposite to inner impulses, of repudiation: standing against wrong. ‘No Passaran’, a slogan against fascism during the Spanish Civil War perhaps resonates here. So how do we not let pass the legion of evils that the heartless ego can unleash?
Jesus, in his time of trial in the desert offers us a masterclass here. In the temptations of chthonic ego power, he does not say I will fight you, or kill you, or ignore you, or do what you want. He simply stands his ground, veers to truth, says ‘no’ to it, and resolves to follow his path. One way to deal with evil is to repudiate it. Another is to embody and act out its opposite.
So, when offered a world of satisfaction of ego lusts. We must keep watch on ours
When some speak and act from fear and hatred. We resolve to keep our hearts open, even if it’s bloody hard work.
When a world of noisy powermongering is proposed. We vow to give more time to stillness and quiet, to prayer and meditation.
Should the seductions of allegiance to self-gratification be proffered. We promise to deepen our path of service, feed the hungry, visit the prisoner, help the sick, stand with the oppressed …….
Those with such ‘power over’, despite the bluster, live from a heartshut fearful place. We will keep our hearts open, face our fears and not be ruled by them, hand them over to and ask the help of the one in whom we live and have our being.
When disconnection and selfishness is summoned. We stand with the broken and disreputable, make an ally of the powerless, hold community in the face of dismemberment, act justly, love mercy.
When the values of selfishness hold sway. We engage, serve, make moral choices, give practical help, money, time and energy rooted in Self-ishness.
A final point about a common response to fear. Those of us on the Way may not only feel fear, but also shame – we’re spiritual after all, we have some sort of faith, we’ve done the work - we’re not ‘supposed’ to be afraid. One of the illusions of the spiritual life is that we will no longer be governed by ‘negative’ feelings.
The Way teaches us to get real here, to have compassion for ourselves and not let that inner critic get its hooks into us.
Again, the Master Contemplative has a rich teaching for us here. The night before his torture and execution, knowing what was coming, he was so scared (yes even he, the en-lightened one) was so afraid that he sweat blood. (A rare phenomenon, haematohidrosis, that I have witnessed only twice in my nursing career. Patients so terrified that the cellular walls in the sweat glands break and red blood cells leak across, turning the sweat pale pink). And Jesus’ response? He sees the ego-no reaction of wanting to escaped it, does not give way to it and offers a spiritual-yes; a deep trust in his Beloved that he is able to say ‘Thy will be done’.
That is a tough call for all of us. To trust that much. Fear always shows us that place where trust has yet to be full-filled. We may remind ourselves that everything passes, that there are many planes of reality, that like Mother Julian in times of great evil we might summon up the courage to trust that at some deep level ‘All shall be well.’
That’s a mighty challenge. We are each called to rise to it. Contemplation in action. Action in contemplation. We each have a part to play in ensuring the legion powers of unrestrained ego do not pass, in ourselves and the world. A part. That’s all that is asked of us. Ask now what is yours. And keep asking.
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Stephen G Wright January 2024